Now I think I know why the Taekwondo instructor looks at me somewhat puzzled at times. My brother had a friend with the same name. Or was it just a very similar name? The age could fit. But perhaps he's not that guy at all. With amnesia it's hard to say. It doesn't matter anyway. … Jatka lukemista Ghost
Seed
When I think about the men I have wanted in my life, I finally recognize that I always wanted their proximity so I could observe them and learn from them and to emulate them. It was the desire of the primal, male structures of my brain seeking for other males to form a hunting party … Jatka lukemista Seed
Return Of The Dazzle Camo
Tuesday morning: I have not been able to sleep a wink. I know that my desire to get back into martial arts is, in part, an attempt of making peace with my childhood. Until I started to associate more with my family and my nibling, I had an easier time seeing my family of origin … Jatka lukemista Return Of The Dazzle Camo
New Attempt
I had a friend over on Sunday. It was good to see her. I hit the gym in the evening, and on Monday I got an email from another martial arts gym I had contacted and explained I´d like to find a place to go to regularly, but discrimination is sometimes an issue. The response … Jatka lukemista New Attempt
Dreams Come True
2026 is starting with good news: one of my friends is pregnant, another just got married. I feel a deep sense of contentment most of the time, and am happy in my liminal state. Hinge has turned out to be more bountiful that I expected. Still, although I know I shouldn´t, or the world tells … Jatka lukemista Dreams Come True
Curiosity
Last day of Eligos' week. I am sketching the first draft of this text on Friday, well in advance, and I'm wondering whether or not I ever wrote anything about the grimoires I've used as sources for my demonic inspiration. I think I did, but I might just as well revisit this topic for my … Jatka lukemista Curiosity
Baby
It´s night and there´s snow, so much snow covering my city, and the air is full of tiny shards of ice, and it is all so beautiful that it hurts. You are out there and I may know you already or I may not; but tonight I understand it as crystal-clearly as the ice being … Jatka lukemista Baby
Hatching
It is cold outside and warm and clean inside, my two chinchillas enjoying fresh hay and pellets in their cages. I have vacuumed the cages and scrubbed the wooden shelves with vinegar. Feeling content, I hit the shower and notice that my back has changed shape. The way my subcutaneous fat is sitting is no … Jatka lukemista Hatching
Beautiful Everyday
I do not know what dreams I had, and I woke up a bit wistful from them, but my day picked up from there. I was reminded of the animated series The Boondocks, which I watched at some point during the last decade, and I want to revisit it at some point. I think the … Jatka lukemista Beautiful Everyday
The Banality Of Evil
I know I said at the beginning of Eligos´ week that I don't give a shit about lords, but I realized that if it were possible for us trans folks to get accepted and supported by people in power, perhaps the Finnish trans clinic system would have to actually start providing healthcare instead of what … Jatka lukemista The Banality Of Evil
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