Limits

I am waiting for the sun to rise on Saturday morning, which is still night in the nightless midsummer, and I wonder what my limits are. I did not go exercising after donating blood because I was told not to, and because I know from experience that it causes me to recover poorly for longer. … Jatka lukemista Limits →

Pride Of A Lion

Early Wednesday hours. I'm bruised from sparring, and my head is scrolling through everything I learned, both about myself and my opponents. The tall man is a piece of shit. I had my doubts before, but now I know. What he did wasn't such a big deal, but at the same time it was irredeemable. … Jatka lukemista Pride Of A Lion →

Blessed By Fire

Boiling water combines the elements of water and fire. The foot I accidentally spilled rice noodle water on yesterday is blistered, but not so badly that I wouldn't make it to training next week. I might even make it to training on Saturday, but the night before I have whimsical things to tend to. A … Jatka lukemista Blessed By Fire →

Sherpa

I want my life to be a piece of art, a great work to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed, and while I have no doubts that for a good portion of society the things I hold as valuable must seem like ashes and the things that bring me joy must seem frivolous, the … Jatka lukemista Sherpa →

Red Lion Remembers Aventurine

Memory, for someone like me, is not what it is for most, because I struggle to know faces in different places, but I think that two people I knew at the Nexus have re-entered my life, and one of them is igniting a deep hunger in me. I remember the mirror neuron flash of watching … Jatka lukemista Red Lion Remembers Aventurine →

Putting the Good Forward

Thursday. For the first time in a week the sun is shining, my body is starting to overcome the worst flu symptoms, my dojo was kind enough to give me a discount from this week of training that I´ve missed, and my friend has published his first book. It´s time to do some good for … Jatka lukemista Putting the Good Forward →

Consistency

I'm writing this in the train on my way to Taekwondo. People's voices are grating my eardrums. The world is loud. To think that I forced myself to push through this sensory overload for years and years, hating my body for reacting to it. I take out my earphones and pop them in just to … Jatka lukemista Consistency →

Blood For The Fire Horse

Of course I had to bleed at the dojo on Tuesday - it was to salute the arriving Fire Horse! I couldn't donate blood on the day of the Lunar New Year due to it being a training day, so I was planning to do it on the second day of the lunar cycle, but … Jatka lukemista Blood For The Fire Horse →

Do Not Worry

Early Friday hours, and I can not sleep. I'm wondering whether or not I chipped a tooth in Thursday's training. The trans clinic referral is also keeping me up: will I finally progress or will I stay stuck? How can I find the tenacity and the happiness to keep going in this exhausting, Kafkaesque, bureaucratic … Jatka lukemista Do Not Worry →

Choosing Love

This will not be a sourdough and Sunday Service "love thy enemy" letter. This will be a letter about finding strength in loving ourselves and in loving the truth. This way the good fruit is accessible also to those whose philosophies do not include what I choose to call God. Love the Lord your God … Jatka lukemista Choosing Love →