Deadline

What a strange feeling. On Saturday I compiled and sent a gallery application on the behalf of a trans artist collective I belong in. Old me would have probably given up once I realized that I could not open and modify the official application form; the current me has enough audacity to have decided that … Jatka lukemista Deadline →

Wash It Away, Rain

Friday. I slept until the afternoon and had nightmares about going through the death of my dog again, having to put together three rickety beds in one room knowing none of them would feel comfortable for me to sleep in, meeting person after person after person and not feeling connected to any of them. I … Jatka lukemista Wash It Away, Rain →

Stricken

Thursday. I can't and don't want to leave my bed. Once my imaginary bouquet that I compiled into seven texts over the last seven days was finished, I knew I'd have to turn it into a funeral wreath for the casket of a dream. Last night I held a wake for it, and today at … Jatka lukemista Stricken →

Oak Flowers

It´s time to finish the bouquet, my love, with the seventh, final flower. I had a hard time coming up with one - nothing came to mind organically, so I decided to leave it up to Fate to appoint one to me; and with your kind words still ringing in my ears, I made it … Jatka lukemista Oak Flowers →

Lavender

Monday afternoon. I´m taking deep breaths and trying to figure out if the daffodils were too much, if that field of flowers and their million eyes will scorch your soul if you ever end up reading that letter, and I feel concerned. After all, we are responsible for the emotions we have and how we … Jatka lukemista Lavender →

Daffodil/s

For the fifth type of flower in this imaginary bouquet we are sticking to yellow and going with daffodils, queens. If sunflowers are on the more orange side of things, daffodils are canary yellow, Easter yellow, egg yolk yellow, and yes they refer to rebirth among many other things but this, queens, is where my … Jatka lukemista Daffodil/s →

Sunflower

Saturday morning finds me in a great mood: slightly confused, but full of determination; in other words, in the best possible male headspace - dumb but driven, void of any pain or malice. My chest is filled with love for the sake of love, the kind that asks nothing in return but does wonder how … Jatka lukemista Sunflower →

Carnations

Friday is not a day but a prismatic vortex of emotion, my whole being in flux, all things shifting. I wake up and do my chores and in the afternoon an elder I trust takes half an hour off of his busy day so that I can confess. I sit on my bed like an … Jatka lukemista Carnations →

Gladioli

On Thursday evening I´m at the gym, loading up the bar to 100 kg and thinking about motivation. I´m not going for a max tonight, this is for a double repetition program of 32 total repetitions ( 8 + (8x2)) with only 20-second breaks between sets. I´m not feeling particularly good or strong, but I … Jatka lukemista Gladioli →

Lilacs

Early Thursday hours; I take a long walk through the fields, dive into the forest, walk by the pond, back past my house to the other direction, onto the other field, and finally back home, my steps drawing a misshapen infinity symbol onto the landscape. I´m listening to metal, because right now I need to … Jatka lukemista Lilacs →